


Roy in Clingfilm on the High Seas

by vtn



Category: Roy Orbison in Clingfilm
Genre: Gen, Humor, University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-29
Updated: 2010-05-29
Packaged: 2017-11-17 14:46:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/552718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vtn/pseuds/vtn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When his cruise ship encounters some stormy weather, Ulli (along with his terrapin, Jetta) must help their captain maintain the course of the ship!  But what is the identity of the mysterious captain?  And what happens when a strange creature appears on the horizon, a strange creature that does not like Clingfilm at all?!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roy in Clingfilm on the High Seas

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2010 University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt, item #23: _23\. Fanﬁc of such innocent creepiness as to win the approval of Ulli Haarburste, and thus the Judges’ hearts. [9 points]_
> 
> If you aren't familiar with the [source material](http://michaelkelly.artofeurope.com/karl.htm), this probably won't make any sense.

After having suffered a nervous breakdown for reasons unrelated to this tale, I am told by my psychotherapist that some rest and relaxation is in order. And so it unfolds that I register myself and my terrapin, Jetta, for a vacation cruise on the Norwegian Sea.

Ah, the friendly glow of the sun and the gentle lapping of the waves against the hull of the ship! I already begin to feel more at ease. One week passes by. Jetta and I partake in many enjoyable activities such as table tennis, rock climbing, and sunbathing on the deck, though as I have very sensitive skin I cannot sunbathe for long periods of time without burning.

Until one day, we sail into a rough patch of sea. The skies cloud over, the waves' gentle lapping becomes a rough tossing, and almost all of the cruise's patrons become ill and must stay below deck. I have a fairly good constitution, as does Jetta, being as she is a reptile.

In fact, it seems as if I am the only remaining healthy passenger! This I discover when the captain pages over the intercom that his first mate has fallen ill and he requests navigation assistance from anyone who has not become seasick. Clutching Jetta at my side, I rush to the control room.

Imagine my surprise to find out that the captain is none other than world-renowned pop star Roy Orbison!

"I need your assistance in maintaining the course of the ship," Roy tells me. Though I am very nervous to be near such an esteemed figure as Roy Orbison, I am dutiful in following his instructions.

After two days of navigation through the icy waters of the North, something strange appears on our radar. Upon a closer look, we realize that it is that dread beast known as the Kraken.

The first mate, coming to, through still horribly ill, whispers that he has heard rumor of the Kraken being averse to the sight and smell of cling-film.

"But where would we find cling-film?" asks Captain Roy. I do my best to appear casual and smooth.

"As it happens," I say, "I have several rolls of cling-film stowed in my cabin, for reasons known only to me. I would be glad to donate them to such a good cause as saving our poor souls from the Kraken."

I rush to retrieve the cling-film. I then suggest, still casual, that a member of the crew be wrapped in cling-film and used to scare off the Kraken. As I have some experience in wrapping things in cling-film, I explain, I would be an ideal choice for performing the wrapping.

"But," our captain insists, "Most of the crew is either vomiting or unconscious. They would surely be unable to frighten the Kraken."

"Then," I say, my palms sweating and my face flushed, "I must wrap you in cling-film. That is, of course, if you do not mind."

"Not at all," says Roy.

Too excited to speak, I begin wrapping him at once. After a few moments, my work is done. Roy Orbison is completely wrapped in Clingfilm. His body is still beneath a rippling casing of iridescent plastic wrap. Even amidst the stormy seas, I feel a sense of calm as this shining apparition descends into the waters to ward off the Kraken.

Our plan is a success. The Kraken takes one whiff of the cling-film covered pop star and turns its back on our ship. We soon sail to smoother seas, with myself as first mate.

After our return, I decide to swear off cruises. Perhaps it has been too much excitement for my nervous condition. And though the Kraken was turned away, I fear what other eldritch horrors lurk beneath the Norwegian waves. Perhaps they do not all share such a distaste for cling-film. Yes, I think, it is best that I stay at home.


End file.
